Ok – perhaps not totally, BUT I’m in the last few days now before I have carpal tunnel surgery, and stressing out trying to get things done (cards, presents etc) in time as with it being my right hand, I’ve no mission of doing much post op, especially since my lovely surgeon tells me that I will most likely be in double torture afterwards, and won’t be able to do anything with the hand for at least 2 wks to give it a chance to heal. It’ll be quite fun having no ability much to do things for myself for a while, as I hate (with a passion) having to ask anyone for help, although have had many times this year when that’s just what I’ve had to do. And while I’m finding this tough, it has made me think and feel for those who have absolutely no choice in this at any time, who are stuck in a situation that will never improve and where they have to continually relinquish any thought of self respect or whatever, in order to live in relative comfort. I also think a lot about those who somewhat like me, are in situations whereby they need intermittent care for important tasks (like personal care/hygeine), but who, for one reason or another either can’t get such help, or at best, can’t get it when they actually need it. I truly can’t conceive what it must be like to want to go to the loo, and have nobody to take you, or if you manage to make it there on your own, you are unable to do the necessary afterwards or whatever. All of this will be my lot after Thurs and I’m so not looking forward to any of it. I’m equally not looking forward too much to the forewarned increase in pain I most likely will have – things are bad enough as it is just now, with most nights being broken badly by wakeups from hell – and mornings are 10 times worse – sometimes when I wake around 6 or so I really feel that I just want to get up as I know that will make the pain subside, but am so exhausted the next thing I know I’m waking up to it all over again. It’s like a groundhog nightmare of sorts :(. However, all is not doom and gloom by any means. God IS merciful, and His Grace IS sufficient for me (think I said that before?), but it’s so true, as He grants me days that for the most part are relatively pain free, and where I can do quite a lot in reality, but more importantly He’s revealing so many things to me I might otherwise never have learnt. Tonight’s lesson was about being refined by fire. I’d often heard about this aspect of our faith, yet never really understood it until now. And the best lesson was in thinking back to my childhood days in Belleek (yep, the famous Pottery village!), where I grew up and had some wonderful years.
Because the Pottery was right at the bottom of our garden (the left most part of this photo), I often felt like I somehow ‘owned’ it – so I used to make a total nuisance of myself continually going down to join in on the regular tours. But one of the things tonight hit me hard – the guide often used to talk about how the clay that came out of the moulds was ‘raw’ and had to be fired before it could be worked on and the furnaces were pretty hot (like most!), but until that was done the clay would be brittle and break under even the most minimal handling and pressure. And it was almost like God saying to me that that’s exactly what He’s doing with me just now – I’m being refined spiritually, and when it’s complete I’ll be tougher and stronger and better able to undertake whatever work He has planned for me up ahead. And I bet if pottery could talk it would be quick to tell you it didn’t enjoy refining in the least, but loved its finished glaze and paint and decoration – ready to show the world the skill of the one who’d made it!!
And if this is the reason for what I’m going through, long may it continue, as I truly am learning SO much more spiritually this year than I’ve done in the past 20 I think. Yeah it’s tough at times, but hey – there are millions around the world who’re suffering way more than me, and don’t even know the Lord to help them through it – now THAT’S what I call suffering! At least I have comfort in knowing He is in control, that there is a purpose, and He will absolutely see it fulfilled and so I don’t have to fear the future, for my future is secure in Him and in His Will.
Today’s bible reading on the One Year Bible Blog was on suffering too and so relevant to me obviously just now. If you’ve not yet signed up to this please consider it – very easy way to listen to the bible (or read it if you prefer) in a year, and the time goes in so quick – you’ll be through it before you know.
BTW – just in case anyone is wondering – I’ve just pulled this Blog over from Blogger primarily to obtain easy stats more than anything else, although it does appear to have a few more functions than the latter so here it will most likely stay for the foreseeable future.