Panic time :)

Ok – perhaps not totally, BUT I’m in the last few days now before I have carpal tunnel surgery, and stressing out trying to get things done (cards, presents etc) in time as with it being my right hand, I’ve no mission of doing much post op, especially since my lovely surgeon tells me that I will most likely be in double torture afterwards, and won’t be able to do anything with the hand for at least 2 wks to give it a chance to heal.  It’ll be quite fun having no ability much to do things for myself for a while, as I hate (with a passion) having to ask anyone for help, although have had many times this year when that’s just what I’ve had to do.  And while I’m finding this tough, it has made me think and feel for those who have absolutely no choice in this at any time, who are stuck in a situation that will never improve and where they have to continually relinquish any thought of self respect or whatever, in order to live in relative comfort.   I also think a lot about those who somewhat like me, are in situations whereby they need intermittent care for important tasks (like personal care/hygeine), but who, for one reason or another either can’t get such help, or at best, can’t get it when they actually need it.  I truly can’t conceive what it must be like to want to go to the loo, and have nobody to take you, or if you manage to make it there on your own, you are unable to do the necessary afterwards or whatever.  All of this will be my lot after Thurs and I’m so not looking forward to any of it.   I’m equally not looking forward too much to the forewarned increase in pain I most likely will have – things are bad enough as it is just now, with most nights being broken badly by wakeups from hell – and mornings are 10 times worse – sometimes when I wake around 6 or so I really feel that I just want to get up as I know that will make the pain subside, but am so exhausted the next thing I know I’m waking up to it all over again.   It’s like a groundhog nightmare of sorts .  However, all is not doom and gloom by any means.   God IS merciful, and His Grace IS sufficient for me (think I said that before?), but it’s so true, as He grants me days that for the most part are relatively pain free, and where I can do quite a lot in reality, but more importantly He’s revealing so many things to me I might otherwise never have learnt.  Tonight’s lesson was about being refined by fire.   I’d often heard about this aspect of our faith, yet never really understood it until now.   And the best lesson was in thinking back to my childhood days in Belleek (yep, the famous Pottery village!), where I grew up and had some wonderful years.  

 Because the Pottery was right at the bottom of our garden (the left most part of this photo), I often felt like I somehow ‘owned’ it – so I used to make a total nuisance of myself continually going down to join in on the regular tours.   But one of the things tonight hit me hard – the guide often used to talk about how the clay that came out of the moulds was ‘raw’ and had to be fired before it could be worked on and the furnaces were pretty hot (like most!), but until that was done the clay would be brittle and break under even the most minimal handling and pressure.   And it was almost like God saying to me that that’s exactly what He’s doing with me just now – I’m being refined spiritually, and when it’s complete I’ll be tougher and stronger and better able to undertake whatever work He has planned for me up ahead.   And I bet if pottery could talk it would be quick to tell you it didn’t enjoy refining in the least, but loved its finished glaze and paint and decoration – ready to show the world the skill of the one who’d made it!!  

And if this is the reason for what I’m going through, long may it continue, as I truly am learning SO much more spiritually this year than I’ve done in the past 20 I think.  Yeah it’s tough at times, but hey – there are millions around the world who’re suffering way more than me, and don’t even know the Lord to help them through it – now THAT’S what I call suffering!  At least I have comfort in knowing He is in control, that there is a purpose, and He will absolutely see it fulfilled and so I don’t have to fear the future, for my future is secure in Him and in His Will.

Today’s bible reading on the One Year Bible Blog was on suffering too and so relevant to me obviously just now.   If you’ve not yet signed up to this please consider it – very easy way to listen to the bible (or read it if you prefer) in a year, and the time goes in so quick – you’ll be through it before you know. 

BTW – just in case anyone is wondering – I’ve just pulled this Blog over from Blogger primarily to obtain easy stats more than anything else, although it does appear to have a few more functions than the latter so here it will most likely stay for the foreseeable future.

Learning lessons the hard way…

So many times people who are unbelievers tend to think that somehow if/when you ever DO become a Christian (as if it’s our choice anyway!), that we then must have it sorted, and that God looks on us so favourably in comparison to the rest of humanity, that we shouldn’t ever complain about anything. And sometimes it then comes as a shock to many, and even those who’ve been Christians for some time, that we Christians are actually called to suffer MORE than others precisely because we DO know God personally, and it can often be primarily through our suffering that He reveals Himself to others. You only have to look at the beginnings of our faith to appreciate that. While we may perhaps errantly feel that Jesus’ suffering was different because He was God as well as human, and that somehow perhaps He didn’t truly suffer as we are led to believe, my view is that we actually have absolutely NO concept on the reality of His suffering in any sense. We only look at the physical aspect of it, but even that is ginormous – how do you ever get your head round the concept of GOD allowing his creation to lift a finger against Him let alone all that the people of that day did do to Him. To contemplate the fact that He created these people and sustained them by His thought/Will, yet instead of destroying them for their arrogance and hatred, He keeps quiet and doesn’t protest about His Divine Rights because He knows that this is what He was called to do. And if that physical suffering wasn’t enough, how do you then get your head round the fact that at some point during His dying/death He was utterly rejected by His Father – the One Whom He’d shared eternity past with, and knew more intimately than we’ve any concept of, and in Whom He too depended on at that point for dealing with all the horrors of what He was going through physically in His suffering. And then you look at His apostles/disciples, each of whom went from being minimal believers, to suddenly taking on the world to proclaim the Gospel message – and how they equally suffered for it. And their suffering was equally horrendous at times.

Which brings me back to myself. I’m currently still going through what I consider to be a very tough time physically – with more pain than I’ve ever had to endure in my life, with NO pain relief which is new for me. Previously, while I may have had comparable pain it’s always been treatable, albeit sometimes with very strong drugs, but treatable nonetheless. This time, none of the drugs are helping, and so I have continuous nights when my brain is assaulted by the most intense horrific pain I’ve ever experienced. But perhaps because I have no other source of help this time round, I’m truly leaning on the Lord for some knowledge of His Will in all of this. And He is teaching me SO many lessons – not just on suffering, but on trust, patience and His Grace etc. I’m slowly (oh so slowly), learning to praise rather than complain, to listen rather than speak, to look to Him rather than man for solutions etc. And it’s so true what He says – His Grace IS sufficient for me in all my needs. While this may be a tough time, it’s not overwhelming (although sometimes I feel it is at 4 in the morning!), and I am coping surprisingly well despite the lack of sleep most nights. I’ve listened to a lot of sermons on the topics of healing and trials etc, and have been blessed by a couple in particular.

One was by Drew Ray with a topic aptly titled “Lessons from the storms of life” and you can listen to it here – http://www.learnthebible.org/o-s-lessons-from-the-storms-of-life.htm. He talked about how when the disciples were out in the boat with Jesus (who was asleep) on the Sea of Gallilee , and the storm erupted, they initially attempted to deal with the situation themselves, all the while panicking, until eventually after a while, fear overtook them enough for them to rouse Him begging Him to help. Jesus used this opportunity to reveal His power and nature to them, but He could just as easily have calmed the storm at any point on His own had he determined to do so, yet He didn’t. The point was made that they had to ask Him for His help, in order for the lesson to be all the more relevant to them – that only when they were really ready for Him to intervene was He going to do so, and in that instance make a much bigger impact on them than might have otherwise been the case. And that holds for us too – until we’re in a tough enough place to beg Him to help us, and especially when we recognise that we can’t sort out the problem ourselves (which sometimes takes us a lonnnggg time!) He won’t act to change our circumstances.

Another telling sermon was one I listened to just an hour ago from Sermon Audio – this one by a Dr. Greg Mazak – http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=4170494549 who talked about how to deal with tough times and trials that come into our life by His Hand. How it can be hard to accept that it is His Will for such calamities to strike us for starters, but how He is sovereign, and is absolutely in control teaching us to endure all things patiently so that we might be perfected in the faith. The teaching is based on James 1 – 2-4:

James 1:2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;
James 1:3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.
James 1:4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

Again, this one spoke heavily to me, and I feel is a teaching I can certainly hold to because once more it confirms how sinful it is to desire the trial to be removed, rather than the lessons to be learnt through it. Ultimately no matter how tough I feel this is for me to endure, it’s nothing in comparison to what many are going through right this minute in the Persecuted Church worldwide – so I give thanks to God for His Grace, Mercy and Love that enables me to indeed be joyful in all my circumstances – to His Glory alone.

Belated update

Once again, way behind in this blog, but good excuse – not been well again! Some things never change, and sadly some things do but not for the better. Anyways, not going to dwell on that in this note.

Instead I figured I’d take a little bit of time to update on some personal perspectives as they relate to current day events. Things appear to be continuing to move forward in God’s timetable for our end times. In fact, some Christians estimate we are more than near the end, but it’s right at the door for us, and we need to start taking more positive action. My view? Well, I happen to figure there’s about another 1250 years or so left for this planet – how do I get that – well, if you take it that there were 7 days of creation, and that God views 1 day as a thousand years (gotta be some good reason why that’s stated in His Word in my view!!), then I think it’s plausible to consider that there may also be 7000 years all in for this world. The Jewish calendar is currently showing a year of 5767, and actually if you also think of the fact that Jesus is going to reign on the earth once He returns for 1000 years, then I feel you could also feasibly state that there’s only about less than 250 years left for things to remain as they are at best. Somewhere up ahead is the awesome foretold concept of the Rapture of the Church from the world – if you’ve never heard of this teaching (as I hadn’t before I read the Left Behind series), then try some of these sites for a run down on the various doctrines behind it – just so you know, I’m a pre-trib believer, because it’s the sensible biblical view, and our God is absolutely sensible!

Another issue for me currently is knowing God’s Will in the midst of difficult trials and problems. My health situation is getting somewhat worse, and made more difficult because of nobody seemingly able to provide either diagnosis or treatment. I’ve been listening to a lot of sermons on the whole area of suffering and trials for the Christian, and what our response should be, and some have been truly uplifting. Pity I didn’t think to keep details of which ones they were now . At any rate, I’m learning to praise, not complain and to remember that absolutely EVERYTHING comes into my day by His Hand alone and not by chance or coincidence as others like to think. So I cannot argue against His Will in this, but rather work with Him and for Him, and allow Him to determine what it is He wants me to learn and to reveal to others about Him also. Tough lesson to learn when you’re going through something utterly horrendous at the time, and certainly in the middle of my nightly ‘torture’ with pain unlike any I’ve ever known, I’m have to confess I’m not overly worried about His Will, but more what can I do to escape it!! So the lesson continues, and bit by bit I’m learning to listen more, and talk less, and hear what He’s trying to say to me. Paul has now become more of my mentor than Job, because Paul had SO much more true torture to deal with regularly yet rarely complained or spent time focussing on how he was or wasn’t coping with it, other than to state that it was a fact of his life, yet he continued to not only remain faithful, but to keep very positive in the midst of each trial. So if you’re going through something similar, just hold on to the only one Who knows exactly where you’re at in the midst of it, and Who can deliver you out of it at the right time, but Who can also use you incredibly during it! Praise God for His endless Mercy and Grace to sinners like me.